So I have a Ménière’s disease it is a disease of the inner ear that causing vertigo, ear ringing, ear pain, ear pressure and hearing loss. For the last five years I have been struggling with this disease and there have been quite a few times I thought it would win. But about 7-8 months ago I started seeing a new ENT who recommended steroid injection into my worse ear. It would stop the vertigo but it would also cause my hearing loss to accelerate in that ear. And believe it or not I said yes without much thought to the injections. I knew I would be going deaf in that ear anyways that if there was a glimmer of hope my vertigo could be controlled and allow me to live a “normal” life I was willing to sacrifice my hearing.
Now that certainly doesn’t mean I am ok with going deaf. I am not. I try to be positive about it and not get down about it but I will never be ok with it. But that’s ok too. I think if I was ok with going deaf I would be giving in. Do I know I will be deaf in one ear for sure within 5-10 years, yes I sure do. I am not going to lie to myself about my prognosis. However I am still going to be mad about it. I am still going to struggle with learning to cope with it. And now after my 3rd injection in my left ear I am really noticing my hearing going in that ear. And that is very hard for me to accept.
However I still truly believe I made the right decision with this treatment. The fact is life is not fair and dealing with a chronic disease is hard AF but I won’t let it win. So yes I will still cry when I think about my new life but I won’t let that cloud stay forever over me. I want to enjoy my life and be the best person I can be. I don’t ever want to be seen as bitter. I know there are worse things that could happen to me. So while I am definitely mourning the loss of my hearing I will continue to try and make my life worth it because deep down I can overcome this disease. It will knock me down but I will get back up every time.